


The Stars and Stripes vs. The Rainbow Flag

by Emsalee



Category: Captain America (2011), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Homophobia, M/M, Mixed Media, Slash, the media stick their noses in other people's business as usual, yes it has pretty pictures in it too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-10
Updated: 2012-05-10
Packaged: 2017-11-05 03:06:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/401776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emsalee/pseuds/Emsalee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>S.H.I.E.L.D. need to screen their agents properly, Captain America gets outed and the media are a circus troupe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Stars and Stripes vs. The Rainbow Flag

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for a short story assignment in school. I have no idea if I'll fail dismally for a) writing a fanfiction and b) incorporating images, but hey, I like it.
> 
> And, seriously, no offense meant to the media outlets mentioned in this. I come in peace.
> 
> P.S. Props to the people that catch all of the shout outs to other fandoms.

“Cap, Cap!”

“Over here!”

“Captain-“

Steve elbowed his way through the flashing bulbs and pushy photographers while agents flanked his left and right. Manhandling the persistent paparazzi out of the way, the Captain struggled to open the door to S.H.I.E.L.D. Headquarters and had to slam it shut behind him in order to keep the surging masses out.

Once he was ushered further into the building -- away from the command centre’s exposed foyer -- and in a private conference room, Steve collapsed against the wall with a sigh. The day was turning out to be a shocker.

The minutes ticked right on by as the super soldier waited for the rest of the Avengers to assemble. This was one big PR nightmare and the whole team was going to have to field for this one, which meant every member had to know the details. Steve groaned. You didn’t talk about _those_ details of someone’s life back in the 40’s; it just didn’t happen.

Agent Clint Barton, Hawkeye to the public and perpetual-pain-in-the-rear-end to his friends, was the first of the Avengers to meander their way into the room. “So, Steve, what’s this I hear? You’re trying to demolish our headquarters with a stampede of shutterbugs and media hounds?”

An exasperated frown was directed at the marksman. “This isn’t the time or place, Barton.”

“Formal, I like it. I can do formal.” He stood up straighter and clasped his hands prudishly behind his back. “Captain Rogers, have you seen any of the other Avengers as of yet? I believe Black Widow was in a meeting with Director Fury.”

Steve shook his head. “No, I haven’t seen Natasha.” He looked Clint up and down. “And stop that. Coulson will not be impressed if he finds out that you were mimicking him.”

“Damn. How did you know it was our resident kiss-a –“

“I wouldn’t finish that sentence if I were you, Barton.” Coulson marched in, a storm of black and white standard issue suit. “Otherwise you’ll be stuck on paperwork duty for the next month.”

“Not even reconnaissance?”

“Not even reconnaissance.”

Clint pouted. “Sir, yes sir.”

Coulson nodded and turned toward the data projector, opening his briefcase that bulged with manila folders. Covering his mouth with his hand, Hawkeye coughed. “ _Fun sucker.”_

The severe agent sucked in a breath, but was cut off as a flood of Avengers swarmed in, as mismatched and colourful as the day was long.

Agent Natasha Romanov’s Black Widow body suit – did it have to be _that_ skin-tight? – was of the same S.H.I.E.L.D. line of regulation superhero wear as Clint’s own armour and the dark black shone with deadly promise. Next through the door was Dr. Bruce Banner. Banner was decked out in his usual purple dress shirt and black slacks, already turning a faint shade of green at the stress levels in the room. Thor appeared overjoyed as he swept through with his crimson cape rippling in his wake. Long blond hair glistened under the fluorescent lights and Mjolnir crackled with electricity.

“Greetings fellow shield brothers! What is the purpose of our gathering?” Thor didn’t understand the concept of ‘inside voice,’ being from Asgard and all, so everyone flinched at the volume.

“Our purpose is ridding ourselves of the hysterical mob downstairs.” Clint toyed with one of his arrows that had magically appeared from places undisclosed.

Running a hand through his hair, Steve sighed. He wasn’t a violent man – well, only when he was fighting bad guys – but if he got his hands on whoever had leaked this intel, God help them. And he didn’t mean Thor.

Still pottering around with his perfect presentation and handouts, Coulson hushed them. “We have to wait for Director Fury –“

“Who is right here.”

Muttering, rustling and general noise was sucked out of the room as the Colonel appeared. His aura said he was not a man to be messed with and the eye patch attested to that image.

“Where’s Stark?” Fury glowered at the assemblage, hoping that fear would intimidate the answers out of thin air alone. “He’s the one responsible for this.”

Steve stiffened at the insinuation, but teetered over whether or not to interject; he was a soldier at heart and Fury was the ranking officer here. The need for clarification won out. “Uh, sir? I do believe that this situation is sort of a two person affair.”

The one eye of Fury’s that was visible swivelled in his directed and glowed with barely tempered rage. “’ _A two person affair?’_ Don’t I bloody know it. You and Stark have your pictures splattered across every tabloid, television station and internet gossip rag worth their salt and even the ones that aren’t. This is international, Rogers, and what exactly are we going to do about it?”

“I–” The Captain affixed his eyes firmly on the stainless steel table. “I don’t know, sir.”

Fury swept around the table and stood next to Coulson who, customarily unflappable, paled slightly. “Get on the phone right now, Rogers, and get Stark in here yesterday.”

Nodding in agreement, Steve pulled out his StarkPhone™ and speed dialled Tony. He expected to wait until the call almost rung through to be picked up two seconds before the answering service kicked in and was instead jarred by strains of _‘[Where the Stars and Stripes and the Eagle Fly](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Where_the_Stars_and_Stripes_and_the_Eagle_Fly)’_ emanating through the door.

_“…I pledge allegiance to the flag and if that bothers you well that's too bad, but if you got pride and you're proud you do. Hey we could use some more like me and you, where the stars and stripes and the eagle fly..."_

Tony hurled the door open to a room full of very emotional Avengers, ranging from utterly furious (Fury) and mortified (Steve – that ringtone? _Really?_ ) to highly amused (Clint, obviously).

“Steve, honey, did you put our sex tape on the internet?” The Captain could feel his face heating up to what had to be a brilliant shade of red. “I told you that was only for us.”

“Stark!” Fury barked at the incredibly tardy Avenger. “Why the fuck did you let the _media_ know about your relationship? That was so fucking _stupid-“_

“Hold your horses, Captain Crudeness, I didn’t do jack squat. _You_ were the one that told the Captain over there to stay in the closet and he kept his promise, no matter how stupid it was.” All five foot nine of Tony Stark started to vibrate with ire. “I’d go looking into your lackeys if I were you.”

The wind in Fury’s sails was less taken away and more of a change of direction. “I don’t care whose fault it is –“ Tony rolled his eyes “– but have any of you bothered to look at what these people are writing?”

Blank looks stared up at him from table. “Fan-fucking-tastic. Coulson?” The director waved his hand at his lead agent and indicated the projector.

Agent Coulson began pulling up a variety of sources from the internet and the pages flooded the screen. Tabloid after tabloid cover popped up. Forums, video clips, images; they were everywhere.

 

“Really?” Clint snorted. “’ _Avengers Love Affairs: Hawkeye & Black Widow’? _That is disgusting.”

“Barton.” Fury snapped at him and then directed his attention to the two at the eye of the media storm. “You think that’s bad. They’re just the titles. Wait until you hear all of what they’re going on about _in_ their little stories.”

With a flick of his wrist, the director scooped the remote off the electronics stand and switched on the television. Channel surfing soon revealed that every single station had jumped to a news bulletin about the new startling revelations.

_“ – the Avengers’ representatives are yet to comment –“_

_“ – while it is all over the tabloids, it is unknown –“_

_“ – America is reeling after –“_

_“ – shocking revelation –“_

_“ – find it_ disgusting _that a man representing our nation and a role model to children everywhere is living in sin with another man –“_

Bruce snatched the controller off Fury and killed the TV. “I think we just found Fox News and I’m pretty sure if I heard any more of that garbage, the other guy will be standing here instead of me.”

“Yeah, as much as I love the big lug, I don’t think Hulk is the best one of you to deal with at the moment.” Clint nodded.

One of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s copy-and-pasted agents slipped into the room and dropped a few magazines from the newsstand down the street in front of everyone, before slipping back into the shadows. Steve reached out first and grabbed the one that seemed most amiable.

 

**_THE DAILY BUGLE_ **

**_The Scandalous Truth! Is Stark Redefining America?  
_ ** **_Written by: Susan Wayne_ **

****

_Born into engineering royalty! Boy genius! MIT student at 15! Sex scandals! Kidnappings! Iron Man! Tony Stark has made headlines all his life for many reasons, but this time has to take the cake!_

_Today, an inside source in the Avengers squad leaked to an online media outlet that Tony Stark has been dating national patriot, Captain America. The source, who wishes to remain anonymous, has said that they have been dating ever since the Captain’s return to the public eye after being missing since the end of World War 2._

_“They hated each other at first,” the source reveals. “I think Stark reminded Captain America too much of Howard [Stark, Tony’s father], but eventually they warmed up to each other and became inseparable.”_

_Although all of the information is circumstantial at this point, as Iron Man and Captain America have not made any public statements as of yet, candid snaps of the two on missions showed the two to be very cosy. (See page 42 for some of the pics!)_

_“There were concerns in the upper echelons of S.H.I.E.L.D. that with the two of them dating, they would save each other before the lives of American citizens.” The insider continued._

_Is everyone’s life at risk for a simple fling between the team members? Previous incidents say otherwise, but only time will tell._

_The inside source also let slip that Captain America and Iron Man’s commanding officer demanded that they stay in the closet. “Their director ordered Cap to stay hush-hush about his orientation. Everyone pretty much already knows that Tony bats for most teams, what with all of the scandals to make the papers over the years, but that is expected of him. Captain America on the other hand is a national icon and people knowing that he wasn’t completely embodying the American spirit would tarnish his reputation.”_

_So does Captain America being gay construe a new and very different America? Let’s see!_

_The Captain America that we all know and love stands for what is right, no matter the cost, and most of all he believes in the people. In 1970, Robin Williams said the America’s core values included ‘Equal Opportunity’, ‘Progress’, and ‘Freedom’. Do you think the good Captain embody these values? Over here we do! The exposure that this will bring to the equality cause is going to be staggering and set progress chugging along in the right direction. (Don’t go near religion though, just don’t. That is one kettle of fish best left alone.)_

_“I don’t think their relationship will survive,” the source confides. “They’re just two very different people working a very high pressure job and the novel, love-struck stage will wear off soon.”_

_Is a gay Captain America redefining the whole nation? Are Captain America and Iron Man putting their love lives before of the nation’s safety? Will their relationship stay on track through the media blitz?_

_Sound off in our ‘Your Say’ section online!_

Captain America blinked down at the article. “That was… I’m not too sure. The author didn’t seem to know what point of view to take, but I think it was positive.”

“Don’t they all?” Clint tossed his own magazine at the slate grey wall. “Except for the hard-core journos with no souls.”

The whole of the Avengers team jumped as Fury slammed his fist down on the table. “I’m sorry to interrupt the sleepover just before you girls braid each other’s hair –“

“You’re just jealous because you have no hair.”

“ –Shut up, Stark. As I was saying, what are we going to do about this monumental cock up?” Fury looked at the mostly blank faces of his team.

“You mean besides arresting and torturing the wanker that outed us?” The Golden Avenger raised his eyebrows. “This wouldn’t have happened if you screened your agents properly.”

The vein on Nick Fury’s head pulsed in time with his rapidly rising heartbeat. “You do remember we run your crosschecking algorithm?”

“Yeah, but that’s just a number cruncher and encrypted file hacker. You’re the one that hires the shrinks to mojo their way into people’s psyches.”

Steve decided to perk up before his boss and his boyfriend fell to blows to resolve their differences. “Why don’t we just make a public statement about our relationship? I don’t mean to be rude, sir, but Tony and I were going to go public before you stopped us.”

“Yeah.” Tony smirked, knowing he had already won. “We’ve got no problem with it at all and if any of the public or the recording monkeys give us any grief, we’ll just sic Hulk on them. Easy.”

The aneurysm waiting to explode in Fury’s head didn’t seem to let up, but he turned to Coulson who shrugged. “It’s out there already.”

Punching the air in victory, Tony rummaged through his pockets for his phone. “I’ll call Pepper and get her to draw up a speech for Steve during our press conference, I’ll just wing it – Oh, I’ll have to make her schedule the conference too –“

“Get out of here, Stark.” Fury waved him towards the door. “And make sure to tell Ms. Potts to leave S.H.I.E.L.D. out of this as much as possible. We want to deal with our rogue agent first.”

“I’ll help with the torture plans!” Barton piped up excitedly.

“You worry me sometimes,” confided Steve as he stood up and grasped Tony’s arm. “And you’re coming with me.”

“Oh, yes sir.”

Director Fury buried his face in the palms of his hands as his two team leaders waltzed out of the door arm in arm. “And the world depends on these people to save their asses? Christ.”

 


End file.
